Thursday, 16 June 2011

Just before we went on holiday...

55 Fiction

Just before we went on holiday the news came through that my nine-year-old daughter had been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and would be up to her neck in media flimflam for the next month at least, thus putting the kibosh on our family vacation. I was stunned. I hadn’t even realised she’d been nominated.

Russell J Turner – June 2011

Monday, 13 June 2011

three trick pony

a drama in seven acts

act one
in the beginning was the word and the word was cod

act two
our hero stands silhouetted against a raging storm sky arms aloft wielding the one true sword the saviour of a nation handsome beyond credit with witless maidens swooning at his feet he shouts creative defiance at the enemy of his people arrayed in crackling dark magic and a fetching black cloak

act three
disaster strikes as our hero is momentarily distracted by his own reflection in the limpid eyes of a particularly attractive maiden and the enemy attacks with deadly if inaccurate force decapitating three of the women and depositing the pretty boy on his tight buttocks sans sword but with a stupid gurning expression on his face

act four
fortunately one of the less witless maidens has had the presence of mind to disentangle herself from the general swooning she creeps up behind the black foe and savagely garrottes him with cheese wire to almost universal rejoicing

act five
in a conventional narrative our heroine and hero would marry and live happily ever after but she is too clever and sensitive and so pursues a career in conceptual art while he is too flighty and violent and sticks to the tried and trusted booze broads and swords light years from a renaissance man but definitely a three trick pony

act six
curtains fall cymbals crash and the audience spontaneously combust in a frenzy of nihilistic self affirmation

act seven
all things must pass there is peace at last

Russell J Turner - June 2011

Saturday, 11 June 2011


She bruises easily
She cries suddenly for no reason
No reason that any other need see
Her cheek rests on the cool of the kitchen table
Anything else would be too much effort

She falls down stairs frequently
She hides her secrets in cisterns
Knives hold an unhealthy fascination for her
Blades and bottles, blood and bourbon
Draining, draining the beauty away

She headbutts his fists for fun
She needs to be taught a lesson
Perverted by language and by love
The sex is great but the rest is just a
Lonely fucking walk to the edge

Russell J Turner – June 2011

Friday, 10 June 2011


Please check out recordings of my 'stuff' and let me know what you think at

doing it toronto style

sixty seconds after i sat down behind the desk they brought in the girl nineteen baby trashed fun with your mates

now streaked mascara shakin’ and a-cryin’ did they touch you touch you or much much more

bullshit questions of degree and consent was there a yes in your dress there was a yes in your dress

with the tannoy shouting they are just too weak the tannoy shouting you must hide under covers

they fucked you and they fucked your life nineteen baby hey at least you made the nationals

well fuck you jack and the horse you rode in on fuck you all i will walk my own walk fuck you officer

i’m doing it toronto style

Russell J Turner - June 2011