The day I forgot my password an asteroid crashed into the Atlantic, generating a massive tsunami that engulfed Europe, Africa & the Americas, whilst throwing millions of tons of water into the atmosphere and precipitating a ‘nuclear winter’ which wiped out 90% of animal & plant species on the planet. The cockroaches were pretty fucking smug about it all.
The day I forgot my password the love of my life flounced out of said life to set up home in Brighton with some wanker called Digby. In a fit of pique I crept into their house and wired the front-door handle to the mains.
The day I forgot my password Richard Dawkins challenged the Pope to a game of darts in a pub in Hackney, in order to settle once and for all the question of the existence or otherwise of God. This historic match was abandoned halfway through the second set when a drunken punter glassed His Holiness.
The day I forgot my password the cat drank an entire bottle of brandy, stole a selection of kitchen knives and then hijacked the number 27, shouting “Take this bus to Cuba!” in a bizarre Yorkshire accent. It was trending on Twitter for literally minutes.
The day I forgot my password Tony Blair was caught naked in a brothel in Singapore, masturbating furiously as he snorted coke off some hooker’s pert little tits. “Well, at least nobody died” he chuckled, as they hauled him off in handcuffs.
The day I forgot my password absolutely nothing noteworthy occurred. I simply kicked my computer in the fucking teeth and put the kettle on.
Russell J Turner - February 2012
3 years ago